The year was 1978. My father had a Ford Station Wagon that was green, with brown paneling on the side. In those days, station wagons were made with a backseat that faced the traffic in the rear. It was great to make faces at oncoming cars and to get truckers to honk their horn.
The day was December 31st. We were on our way to
baptize my brother, Keith. I remember as
if it were yesterday. It was unusual to
have thunderstorms in St. Louis in December.
It was raining hard. Thunder was
loud. Lighting lit up the sky. As I was sitting in the far backseat on our
way to the church, I was scared. Not
scared of the loud thunder or the flash of lighting, but scared that if Jesus
came that night or I was hit by lighting and died, I wouldn’t go to
heaven.
I was 12. I heard all
the fire and brimstone sermons.
Preachers pounded the pulpit. The
same question sermon after sermon, “If Jesus were to come today, would you go
to heaven?” At 12 years old, I was so
afraid that I wouldn’t go to heaven. I
wanted to go to heaven! I wanted God to
love me and not be mad at me.
As my father drove, I sat quietly. Praying.
“God, if you get us to the church building safely, I will give my life
to you. I will be baptized. I will live my life for you.”
We made it! Our
family entered the church building and my brother Keith was preparing to be
baptized by my brother Jim. I sat on the
front seat with nervousness. “I made a
promise to God,” I said to myself. I
finally got the nerve to go to my dad and say, “Dad, I want to be baptized,
too.” My dad asked, “Why do you want to
be baptized?” I said, “Because I want to
go to heaven. I want Jesus to be Lord of
my life. I want to be a preacher and
tell others about Jesus, too.” My father
wrapped his big arms around me and gave me a big hug and said he was proud of
my decision. After Keith was baptized,
it was my turn. My brother Jim baptized
me on a rainy night in December. As I
resurrected from the water, I knew! I
knew that something changed within me and connected me to God, Jesus, and
Spirit. It was more than any feeling I had felt before. It was powerful! 34 years later, I can still feel what God did
at my baptism.
During the last 34 years, I’ve gone against God’s best for
me. I sin. I’m weak. I feel the pressures of life. Early in my life, I only heard about the
punishing God. The all-seeing eye
watching every move we make kind of God. If we get out of line, he will surely
punish us.
That was then. Today,
I know a God who is deeply in love with his children. I also know that God does not call us to be
perfect; he calls us to trust him. He
will get us through all the difficulties we get ourselves into. When we love
him with all our hearts, soul, strength, and mind our attention is taken off
ourselves and placed on God. We will do
our best to serve and be involved in kingdom work, not because we are trying to
please God, but rather, we desire to glorify God.
The faith journey is not perfect, but his forgiveness is
limitless – 1st John 1:9,
“But if we
confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to
cleanse us from all wickedness.” (NLT)
Our spiritual life will have traces of weakness – but his
grace is sufficient – 2 Corinthians 12:9,
“…My grace is all you
need. My power works best in weakness….”
(NLT)
We will get weighed down by pressures, life struggles, and
sufferings – but he said we can always come to him – Matthew 11:28, "Are you
tired? Worn out? Burned out…Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover
your life.” (The Message)
God has always been grace! He has never been the all-seeing
eye watching out for those doing wrong.
God has always been the all-seeing Father who cheers at our victories,
hurts when we do wrong, forgives when were sorry, lifts us up when we are down,
and loves at all times.
God has always been mercy!
God has always been a forgiver!
God has always loved us deeply and forever!
Today, I know a God that I didn’t know 34 years ago.
Remember, Be God Controlled!
Brian